[ The weak, pathetic part of him wants to turn and simply walk away; it would be easier if he did that, if he stormed off and left Wei Wuxian to pay respects here alone, to wander around Lotus Pier as if he still belonged. It doesn't matter that he's also Jin Ling's uncle; it doesn't matter that he had hoped that his brother would choose a better path for such a long time, that he had been prepared to open the halls of Yunmeng to him whenever he had asked. The reality was too painful and too awkward for him to muster the emotion for; he's never been good at this.
The touch to his arm is an anchor, which he is sure Wei Wuxian intended. There's a knot in his throat and he has to breathe in and then out, to muster whatever strength he has left to knot the emotions in his stomach. He cannot fall apart again, not when there is still so much correspondence for him to reply to, so many things he must take into his own hands now that things are beginning to change. Jin Guangyao has not been gone too long and yet Jiang Cheng knows his nephew is relying on him to help guide him to being a better sect leader.
He had taken over a clan young as well, after all.
So much of this would be easier of Yanli was here to bridge the gap between them; they had never learned to do it entirely on their own, never dreaming there would come a time their sister would not be at their side. She had been the one to say they needed to be together, the three of them, children of Lotus Pier growing into lives shaped for them, far out of their control. The bitter anger and resentment he feels towards Wei Wuxian for her death has faded over the years, but the hurt of her reaching for him, falling from her blood brother's arms, as she took her last breath was a sting hard to forget.
Pursing his lips, he closes his eyes, but he stops and waits. It feels like that moment when he had visited Wei Wuxian and the Wen Clan, when his brother had tried to drag him here and there before abandoning the Jiang Sect; painful and expected all at once. ]
That's not the point. [ The retort comes easily; of course he would have gone back for them. He would have ensured Yanli had found her way to their mother's family or at least to the welcoming arms of the Jin Sect - Madame Jin would have never let Yanli suffer any kind of hurt, no matter how awkward the Peacock was at the time - before he had found his way back to Lotus Pier to save his brother. He likely would have failed; Wen Ning had no reason to help him, after all.
One hand lifts to his chest where, under his robes, the scars of the whip still mar his skin. Yet another reason to be blacklisted by the matchmakers - his body was found, scarred, half of it not his own, lent to him by the Yiling Patriarch.
Again it comes down to Wei Wuxian making a clear, good point; it was likely inevitable that they would both lose their core as long as Wen Zhuliu lived. He had lost it and regained it - that had been enough for him to gain vengeance. But - but. If he had never lost his core then Wei Wuxian would not have taken him to the mountains, would not have had to wait for him in town, would not have been caught.
There is always a way for him to blame himself; his mother and father had taught him that from a young age.
Pulling his hand away, he turns his head, eyes damp and his hands shaking. ]
Everyone died. My mother, my father, my disciples, Yanli, you... There is nothing you can say that can absolve me of that, Wei Wuxian. All that I had was lost and I did nothing to save it. [ Here he scoffs, hurting in his heart. ] I could not even save a-Ling in the temple. Is that not failure enough?
jiang cheng's blank face when he realises his core is gone will haunt me
The touch to his arm is an anchor, which he is sure Wei Wuxian intended. There's a knot in his throat and he has to breathe in and then out, to muster whatever strength he has left to knot the emotions in his stomach. He cannot fall apart again, not when there is still so much correspondence for him to reply to, so many things he must take into his own hands now that things are beginning to change. Jin Guangyao has not been gone too long and yet Jiang Cheng knows his nephew is relying on him to help guide him to being a better sect leader.
He had taken over a clan young as well, after all.
So much of this would be easier of Yanli was here to bridge the gap between them; they had never learned to do it entirely on their own, never dreaming there would come a time their sister would not be at their side. She had been the one to say they needed to be together, the three of them, children of Lotus Pier growing into lives shaped for them, far out of their control. The bitter anger and resentment he feels towards Wei Wuxian for her death has faded over the years, but the hurt of her reaching for him, falling from her blood brother's arms, as she took her last breath was a sting hard to forget.
Pursing his lips, he closes his eyes, but he stops and waits. It feels like that moment when he had visited Wei Wuxian and the Wen Clan, when his brother had tried to drag him here and there before abandoning the Jiang Sect; painful and expected all at once. ]
That's not the point. [ The retort comes easily; of course he would have gone back for them. He would have ensured Yanli had found her way to their mother's family or at least to the welcoming arms of the Jin Sect - Madame Jin would have never let Yanli suffer any kind of hurt, no matter how awkward the Peacock was at the time - before he had found his way back to Lotus Pier to save his brother. He likely would have failed; Wen Ning had no reason to help him, after all.
One hand lifts to his chest where, under his robes, the scars of the whip still mar his skin. Yet another reason to be blacklisted by the matchmakers - his body was found, scarred, half of it not his own, lent to him by the Yiling Patriarch.
Again it comes down to Wei Wuxian making a clear, good point; it was likely inevitable that they would both lose their core as long as Wen Zhuliu lived. He had lost it and regained it - that had been enough for him to gain vengeance. But - but. If he had never lost his core then Wei Wuxian would not have taken him to the mountains, would not have had to wait for him in town, would not have been caught.
There is always a way for him to blame himself; his mother and father had taught him that from a young age.
Pulling his hand away, he turns his head, eyes damp and his hands shaking. ]
Everyone died. My mother, my father, my disciples, Yanli, you... There is nothing you can say that can absolve me of that, Wei Wuxian. All that I had was lost and I did nothing to save it. [ Here he scoffs, hurting in his heart. ] I could not even save a-Ling in the temple. Is that not failure enough?