[ The difficulty for him is built on a thousand different levels with a thousand different things; Jiang Cheng has emotions, depth of feeling that he cannot even begin to try and deal with, that he has tried to ignore for almost two decades. Looking at Wei Wuxian is a trial in itself, knowing all the mistakes he had made in terms of his brother, in terms of what the two of them had done to each other.
It was so easy to blame his ills and upsets on Wei Wuxian, to blame him for everything that went wrong when they were so much younger than they are now - or, at least, than he is now. Wei Wuxian's age and state is still far, far too confusing for him to begin to wrap his mind around.
Moving back towards his home is easy enough, but he feels as though he is heavy with the echoes of the past. Heading towards home means heading back to ancient memories, to ghosts that haunt every corner of Lotus Pier. Jiang Yanli whispers to him in his nightmares; his mother and father storm into his mind when he is at his word, questioning all the choices that he has made and way he had rebuilt Yunmeng with them lost and gone from the world.
He had thought he was further than this, better than this, but at heart he is still the man so, so desperate for attention, needing and wanting the confirmation that he has done something right.
Breathing out, he lets his hands flex gently. ]
You can wander. I don't care.
[ I don't mind is what he means. This is still your home is what his heart is screaming at him to say, but he doesn't let himself even whisper it. Jiang Cheng lets himself swallow it down and force it to the depths of his stomach, to worry about later. He cannot think about it now: he can worry about it later.
He stops at the edge of home, staring forward. It's been a long time since Wei Wuxian stepped foot this close, not since so much had happened, since they learned the truth about Jin Guangyao.
you're a gem <3
It was so easy to blame his ills and upsets on Wei Wuxian, to blame him for everything that went wrong when they were so much younger than they are now - or, at least, than he is now. Wei Wuxian's age and state is still far, far too confusing for him to begin to wrap his mind around.
Moving back towards his home is easy enough, but he feels as though he is heavy with the echoes of the past. Heading towards home means heading back to ancient memories, to ghosts that haunt every corner of Lotus Pier. Jiang Yanli whispers to him in his nightmares; his mother and father storm into his mind when he is at his word, questioning all the choices that he has made and way he had rebuilt Yunmeng with them lost and gone from the world.
He had thought he was further than this, better than this, but at heart he is still the man so, so desperate for attention, needing and wanting the confirmation that he has done something right.
Breathing out, he lets his hands flex gently. ]
You can wander. I don't care.
[ I don't mind is what he means. This is still your home is what his heart is screaming at him to say, but he doesn't let himself even whisper it. Jiang Cheng lets himself swallow it down and force it to the depths of his stomach, to worry about later. He cannot think about it now: he can worry about it later.
He stops at the edge of home, staring forward. It's been a long time since Wei Wuxian stepped foot this close, not since so much had happened, since they learned the truth about Jin Guangyao.
He turns his head. ]
Do you want to go to make your bows first?