Huh. Honestly, he's not exactly a kid, not more than we are... and if he does, couldn't you ask?
( Says Wei Wuxian, who is so great at asking, but in this kind of case, probably actually would. )
It's not like you try to forget things, it can just happen, and then he knows that you care enough to want to ask, right? Something like that! You do care enough, don't you~
[He looks unusually serious this time, actually preoccupied.]
For a while now, I've had this strange feeling. It's really weird, and I can't tell where it came from, and I have nothing to prove it one way or another but...
... I think... I think he came here to look for me. Specifically.
[He knows this sounds presumptuous. There is absolutely nothing to this except a persistent, gut feeling.]
I've done a lot of things int he past that I am not really proud of. And I've tried to make it right, whenever I could, but there will always be people who resent me for the way I acted back then, and they would be justified to. But San Lang... He just appeared one day, and it's like he knew exactly who I was, and it didn't matter. He just came closer and stayed there and...
[Xie Lian rubs his face.]
He hasn't done anything wrong. If anything, he's really sweet. I'm just worried about him, I guess. Did I do something to him or someone he knows back then. If yes, why would he act like this? And if no, why is he here? What does he want?
( He listens, and it is attentive, and he is serious, which enough people would think contrary to his nature, but never particular true. )
It's not like I'm going to speak about what our pasts can do to our perception of things, or that mine's all good things and nothing bad, ever. Are you scared that asking him about any of this might lead to him going away?
[Because, well... because he likes San Lang and he has to admit it.]
And if it turns out I did do something bad to him or someone dear to him, I think I'd want to at least apologize, and offer him whatever retribution he thinks is fair.
... But getting close to me and being nice and helpful and making sure I eat properly seems like a weird way to get revenge, doesn't it.
Honestly, I don't know, my concept of revenge is more immediate and then shake off all the attached feelings. Even for a long game, though, that's a weird way to get things figured out.
( It doesn't even really do great as a "get him to care about me then ruthlessly break his heart," because he cannot, for his life, imagine Xie Lian has caused that brand of pain even unintentionally for anyone so far in his life. )
Mah, do ask, don't ask, go with what seems to fit your mood and how you get along. I say ask, but that's just my opinion on things.
[Okay, okay, he's just teasing you. Or is he? Clearly, you were being more oblivious than he thought.]
I also think it would be weird, and I would have had to do something really terrible, and as bad as I have been, I don't think I actually ruined anyone's life, so... I mean I did some unsavory things, but I don't think it went to that level.
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( Says Wei Wuxian, who is so great at asking, but in this kind of case, probably actually would. )
It's not like you try to forget things, it can just happen, and then he knows that you care enough to want to ask, right? Something like that! You do care enough, don't you~
( And now, teasing again. )
no subject
[He looks unusually serious this time, actually preoccupied.]
For a while now, I've had this strange feeling. It's really weird, and I can't tell where it came from, and I have nothing to prove it one way or another but...
... I think... I think he came here to look for me. Specifically.
[He knows this sounds presumptuous. There is absolutely nothing to this except a persistent, gut feeling.]
I've done a lot of things int he past that I am not really proud of. And I've tried to make it right, whenever I could, but there will always be people who resent me for the way I acted back then, and they would be justified to. But San Lang... He just appeared one day, and it's like he knew exactly who I was, and it didn't matter. He just came closer and stayed there and...
[Xie Lian rubs his face.]
He hasn't done anything wrong. If anything, he's really sweet. I'm just worried about him, I guess. Did I do something to him or someone he knows back then. If yes, why would he act like this? And if no, why is he here? What does he want?
[That feels dangerous to ask.]
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( He listens, and it is attentive, and he is serious, which enough people would think contrary to his nature, but never particular true. )
It's not like I'm going to speak about what our pasts can do to our perception of things, or that mine's all good things and nothing bad, ever. Are you scared that asking him about any of this might lead to him going away?
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[Because, well... because he likes San Lang and he has to admit it.]
And if it turns out I did do something bad to him or someone dear to him, I think I'd want to at least apologize, and offer him whatever retribution he thinks is fair.
... But getting close to me and being nice and helpful and making sure I eat properly seems like a weird way to get revenge, doesn't it.
no subject
( It doesn't even really do great as a "get him to care about me then ruthlessly break his heart," because he cannot, for his life, imagine Xie Lian has caused that brand of pain even unintentionally for anyone so far in his life. )
Mah, do ask, don't ask, go with what seems to fit your mood and how you get along. I say ask, but that's just my opinion on things.
no subject
[Okay, okay, he's just teasing you. Or is he? Clearly, you were being more oblivious than he thought.]
I also think it would be weird, and I would have had to do something really terrible, and as bad as I have been, I don't think I actually ruined anyone's life, so... I mean I did some unsavory things, but I don't think it went to that level.