Master Beitang was watching my nude scramble with interest while refusing to believe in ghosts while we traveled with an army of souls. Truly, would you take his word on this to heart?
... Lan Zhan, I have never recovered my weight from before the war. That's no one's fault. You feed me better than I want to eat on what you find, ah? You remind me to eat at all! Whatever Moran says, I'm not that gaunt, I'm—
( He wants: to reassure. To laugh, avoid, redirect. A lifetime of habit, that he's lowered sometimes, and Lan Zhan has been in those exceptions before, both when younger and older men.
Easier to deflect. Harder even to pause and admit anything when not in lower moments, when not on unstable enough ground even he can recognise he needs something like help. )
Ahahaha, then isn't the best solution letting you pet me calm? ( An awkward, painfully awkward half beat later: ) I'm jesting, that was horrible, I—I'll do better on this.
( Who else might have taught Wei Ying the indulgence of petting? And he saw them, during his visits of Wei Ying's inert body, after he overexerted himself in battle — saw her knelt, waiting. )
( Perhaps his own parents, but he hasn't recalled for years, and his memory doesn't improve with age. The catch to his silence is telling in and of itself, as is the return of the awkward laughter. )
Hahaha, yes, well, she did. Shijie was a kind and generous soul.
( And he got her killed. Just like he'd walked the knife used against her husband close enough for people to set up the situation where he died. )
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( Fine. )
—better than I was before.
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You. Mistress Wen. I do not intend to shepherd bones.
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Easier to deflect. Harder even to pause and admit anything when not in lower moments, when not on unstable enough ground even he can recognise he needs something like help. )
Not a hardship. Hard, but not a hardship.
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I beg you to learn this, also.
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( Who else might have taught Wei Ying the indulgence of petting? And he saw them, during his visits of Wei Ying's inert body, after he overexerted himself in battle — saw her knelt, waiting. )
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Hahaha, yes, well, she did. Shijie was a kind and generous soul.
( And he got her killed. Just like he'd walked the knife used against her husband close enough for people to set up the situation where he died. )
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Lan Zhan, and this may surprise you, but I have indeed noticed you are not a sister. I'm very fond of you exactly as you are.
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Are you describing yourself, or me? Lan Zhan, if we were only a sum of our worsts or our bests, what exaggerations of ourselves we'd be!
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( Those... beautiful portraits. )
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( A pout, if you will, in his voice. )
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