( too many, as he's always done. wear the face most acceptable for a given audience. don't be his whole self, just his parts. )
Yes. ( and he leaves his finger hooked where it is, in the vee of his robes. ) The world will always demand more of us. Lan Zhan, when will we claim time for ourselves?
( less the seduction in that question, more the quiet, direct question: this is between us, one part of many. when will we face it, instead of push it back? )
( firmer, stating that much. now is not when others get to dictate how he feels or acts around his husband. only lan zhan has sway in that, as his whole, as his paths partner, as the one who navigates the swells and storms and joys of life with him, with each other. they're not perfect men. they're learning. )
And it's not something I want done to move on from or say there, I've done it, I've been intimate with the man I love — Lan Zhan, surely you've realised by now I want you. In every way. Wanting this too is ... is it not natural? Is it not what you want?
( trying now to understand, because yes, he'd believed differently, from the hunger behind lan zhan's kisses to the predatory grazing of nails through hair, against scalp, to the desire twinned and twined with affection, with warmth, with longing. a touch of fear, too, for what night be lost, what has been lost before through too many things not said, not done. )
( This, to be clear, certain. A foregone conclusion. A conversation perhaps best delivered in person — but better still not to let questions and uncertainty linger. )
It has been so often the end of a road, that I do not know what to do, now that steps lead to it.
( he doesn't even notice the relaxing of his shoulders, the clarity a balm to the what if, the not enough, the too much, and he would laugh at himself if he did. oh, he knows Lan Zhan has struggled as they find themselves as people, but the truth is also: neither of them have chosen to leave.
and they could. theoretically. )
Take the steps and not think things end here, I guess. I don't know any more than you do, little of what I read said much about things between men.
( and the one that had been explicit also was sliced to pieces by a certain party here, when they were younger. )
( Are they much better than innocents, learning? Than children.
In truth, it matters little. Generations of young men have made themselves apt to the task. Apprehension is the moment of bated breath between hope and realisation.
And Wei Ying looks — for one moment, too long — heartbroken. )
...no. Not where there lives the possibility of intrusion. ( Why betray themselves? ) The quarter.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He is silent, for a moment, sprawling. )
Have I... proven neglectful?
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( too many, as he's always done. wear the face most acceptable for a given audience. don't be his whole self, just his parts. )
Yes. ( and he leaves his finger hooked where it is, in the vee of his robes. ) The world will always demand more of us. Lan Zhan, when will we claim time for ourselves?
( less the seduction in that question, more the quiet, direct question: this is between us, one part of many. when will we face it, instead of push it back? )
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( Softened: ) Brother startled you.
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Both brothers were loud and easily ignored.
( firmer, stating that much. now is not when others get to dictate how he feels or acts around his husband. only lan zhan has sway in that, as his whole, as his paths partner, as the one who navigates the swells and storms and joys of life with him, with each other. they're not perfect men. they're learning. )
And it's not something I want done to move on from or say there, I've done it, I've been intimate with the man I love — Lan Zhan, surely you've realised by now I want you. In every way. Wanting this too is ... is it not natural? Is it not what you want?
( trying now to understand, because yes, he'd believed differently, from the hunger behind lan zhan's kisses to the predatory grazing of nails through hair, against scalp, to the desire twinned and twined with affection, with warmth, with longing. a touch of fear, too, for what night be lost, what has been lost before through too many things not said, not done. )
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( This, to be clear, certain. A foregone conclusion. A conversation perhaps best delivered in person — but better still not to let questions and uncertainty linger. )
It has been so often the end of a road, that I do not know what to do, now that steps lead to it.
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( he doesn't even notice the relaxing of his shoulders, the clarity a balm to the what if, the not enough, the too much, and he would laugh at himself if he did. oh, he knows Lan Zhan has struggled as they find themselves as people, but the truth is also: neither of them have chosen to leave.
and they could. theoretically. )
Take the steps and not think things end here, I guess. I don't know any more than you do, little of what I read said much about things between men.
( and the one that had been explicit also was sliced to pieces by a certain party here, when they were younger. )
Lan Zhan... later, at the waters?
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( Are they much better than innocents, learning? Than children.
In truth, it matters little. Generations of young men have made themselves apt to the task. Apprehension is the moment of bated breath between hope and realisation.
And Wei Ying looks — for one moment, too long — heartbroken. )
...no. Not where there lives the possibility of intrusion. ( Why betray themselves? ) The quarter.
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( the curl of his lips into a not quite smile. )
I mostly meant to bathe first. We should set wards. An array. Something.
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Something.
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Today?
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Moonlight. Better for shivered hands.
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( to shivered hands or shivered bodies, scarred and otherwise. )
No interruptions.
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No. No need to seduce. Your work is done.
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But you do not instinctively reach. I speak to make desire known.
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In that case, I will, Lan Zhan. Including tonight.
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Thank you.
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( wahtever soon means, in the course of this, but they both know: before sunset, and under the moon's quiet witness. )