It's so easy for Wei Wuxian to look back at things and be gentle with it, to gloss over the things he had done. He hasn't had the many, many years to gaze at himself and see all his failures and mistakes. He hadn't had to raise a child desperately hoping he wouldn't turn into his mother or father, wishing desperately that his sister was there, that his brother-in-law lived. That Jin Ling would be good, would be happy.
He didn't spend years staring at the shrine to his family and feeling the weight of their expectations burn down on him. He can feel the knot in his throat building again, choking him and making him feel as though he feels something desperate is curling over him. He doesn't want to bare himself again, but here he is.
Why does Wei Wuxian does this to him? Why does Wei Wuxian still have this power over him? ]
Because I don't!
[ His hands are shaking and his eyes are flickering. ]
I didn't save Yanli! I failed to protect you from the other sects! It is as Jin Guangyao said - I did not stand by you and keep you at my side - I didn't make sure that you didn't... That they didn't take you away from us.
[ His head bows, his throat tight. ]
I did not stop Wang Lingjiao from setting off her signal and I did not protect Lotus Pier. It is as my mother always said - I am a failure. Nothing more.
[ How can he ignore what his mother and father had thought of him for so long? ]
i've had this reply in my head but finally creativity comes
It's so easy for Wei Wuxian to look back at things and be gentle with it, to gloss over the things he had done. He hasn't had the many, many years to gaze at himself and see all his failures and mistakes. He hadn't had to raise a child desperately hoping he wouldn't turn into his mother or father, wishing desperately that his sister was there, that his brother-in-law lived. That Jin Ling would be good, would be happy.
He didn't spend years staring at the shrine to his family and feeling the weight of their expectations burn down on him. He can feel the knot in his throat building again, choking him and making him feel as though he feels something desperate is curling over him. He doesn't want to bare himself again, but here he is.
Why does Wei Wuxian does this to him? Why does Wei Wuxian still have this power over him? ]
Because I don't!
[ His hands are shaking and his eyes are flickering. ]
I didn't save Yanli! I failed to protect you from the other sects! It is as Jin Guangyao said - I did not stand by you and keep you at my side - I didn't make sure that you didn't... That they didn't take you away from us.
[ His head bows, his throat tight. ]
I did not stop Wang Lingjiao from setting off her signal and I did not protect Lotus Pier. It is as my mother always said - I am a failure. Nothing more.
[ How can he ignore what his mother and father had thought of him for so long? ]