weifinder: (smile | with a bullet)
Wei Ying (魏婴) | Wei Wuxian (魏无羡) ([personal profile] weifinder) wrote2020-10-07 05:18 pm

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Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian
The Untamed
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fennu: (cql20691)

i've had this reply in my head but finally creativity comes

[personal profile] fennu 2021-02-13 07:23 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Why does he make it sound like he doesn't?

It's so easy for Wei Wuxian to look back at things and be gentle with it, to gloss over the things he had done. He hasn't had the many, many years to gaze at himself and see all his failures and mistakes. He hadn't had to raise a child desperately hoping he wouldn't turn into his mother or father, wishing desperately that his sister was there, that his brother-in-law lived. That Jin Ling would be good, would be happy.

He didn't spend years staring at the shrine to his family and feeling the weight of their expectations burn down on him. He can feel the knot in his throat building again, choking him and making him feel as though he feels something desperate is curling over him. He doesn't want to bare himself again, but here he is.

Why does Wei Wuxian does this to him? Why does Wei Wuxian still have this power over him? ]


Because I don't!

[ His hands are shaking and his eyes are flickering. ]

I didn't save Yanli! I failed to protect you from the other sects! It is as Jin Guangyao said - I did not stand by you and keep you at my side - I didn't make sure that you didn't... That they didn't take you away from us.

[ His head bows, his throat tight. ]

I did not stop Wang Lingjiao from setting off her signal and I did not protect Lotus Pier. It is as my mother always said - I am a failure. Nothing more.

[ How can he ignore what his mother and father had thought of him for so long? ]
fennu: (093)

too many deep emotions and no brain

[personal profile] fennu 2021-02-18 02:58 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's too hard for Jiang Cheng, who feels as though he is sixteen again when he is twice that age, who feels as though he is back in his childhood home with his brother knocking on his door to be let in, to beg forgiveness. That's how it had always worked out, wasn't it? Wei Wuxian would do something stupid and Jiang Cheng would go and save him or dig him out of it, for the benefit of Lotus Pier and because he loved his brother more than he ever loved himself.

The touch to his face is enough to undo him but he keeps himself together, fresh out of tears and exhausted from the weight of his own feeling and the pain of existence. He hasn't had enough time to mourn, not really - a thousand years wouldn't be enough time to get over his sister, his family, his parents, his home. None of it would be enough, not when his heart is so heavy and so burdened with the agony of being alive.

He wishes that he could draw Sandu and make do, that he could do something to end the torment of seeing his brother back to life - Wei Wuxian returned when Jiang Yanli, when Jin Zixuan, when Madam Yu and father - but he can't. He isn't strong enough to destroy Wei Wuxian when he is so glad to see him, when he is making a life for himself in Gusu, when he has Lan Wangji to love and support him and Jiang Cheng has no one but his own pain and isolation to keep him company. ]


We both know I could have protected you. I could have protected Lady Wen as well - I tried, but she...

[ She returned his comb. She had chosen a life where death would come to her rather than a chance of living at his side. Should he feel sour about that, still? That she would have chosen death over marriage to him when he had been so earnest in his affection for her? He understands the sentiment all the same; choosing her brother over love. He would have done it too - Wei Wuxian over Wen Qing.

His stomach churns with pain and agony, with the nausea of hurt and years of suffering, of punishing himself for things out of his control. Punishing himself by thinking about it, over and over, is the only constant he knows - other than his nephew, his home. He had lived with it for so long that it felt more like an ally than an enemy.

He bows his head, breathing out shakily. ]


Isn't that failure enough, Wei Wuxian? I was never anything without you at my side, and you were gone.
fennu: (058)

that icon. ouch. also have some honesty

[personal profile] fennu 2021-02-25 12:26 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Jiang Cheng has never been able to let go of those closely guarded feelings, the intense jealousies that have clouded him from childhood to now. He thinks of the fact that now, with Jin Ling, with his family, with his connections, even now people will not choose him. Why would A-Ling come to him, Sect Leader Jiang, when Wei Wuxian is more interesting, more personable? He had sent fairy away. That was enough to show Jiang Cheng that Wei Wuxian was worming his way, even now.

But for all his irritation and all his jealousy he's not truly mad. He's sad, sad that his nephew can forgive and overcome boundaries far faster than he was ever able to do. Jiang Cheng has never been well-versed in forgiveness, for himself or for others, and that has not changed. He feels the burden of it as a leader, as a brother and as a father, no gentleness saved for any kindness towards himself. Why should he, when blame stands at his feet even now?

Hands shaking, he can barely look at Wei Wuxian, ashamed and broken all at the same time. (He has no mind to dwell on A-Yuan left behind, the small boy that had claimed his leg, not making the connection in his broken state -) ]


Wei Wuxian. You don't understand.

[ His breathing is a little more ragged now, trying to restrain tears even as he tries to swallow through the sobs in his throat. It's too much. ]

You were never nothing. You were everything.

[ Brother, disciple, friend, ally, saviour, hero - then enemy, villain, martyr. So many things that Jiang Cheng could never have hoped to be. So many things that he should have learned to be with his brother there to guide him, but it had slipped through his fingers as surely as his brother's hand had slipped through Lan Wangji's on the mountain. ]

I didn't keep chenqing for a joke. I kept it because I never wanted to let you go. I never chose that.