( Overwhelmed by the warmth he feels, and the warmth that gives him. It's... something he's really only gotten to this degree from his shijie before, that acceptance and the caretaking of the things he fumbles his way through because they did have meaning.
He nuzzles impossibly closer, practically speaking against Lan Zhan's skin, turning more and more into a limpet than a sexy lap straddling boyfriend. If it happens to be a touch closer to cuddling in its own way, it's all incidental. )
No, not bad. ( He shakes his head, reinforcing this fact. ) You're a very, very good person to me.
( And he needs a moment to just feel that, find the sting of it in his eyes and the stutter to his breathing, because this is not what he expected. Neither is it what he expects when he just sums it up as: )
You make it so hard not to love you, how's that fair!
( The crux of what's scared him all along, and the length of his denial. Loving anyone, Lan Zhan included, means being open to losing them. And that's scary; it's scary, and he hates it, this thing that could be entirely out of his control. At the same time, he loves him. )
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He nuzzles impossibly closer, practically speaking against Lan Zhan's skin, turning more and more into a limpet than a sexy lap straddling boyfriend. If it happens to be a touch closer to cuddling in its own way, it's all incidental. )
No, not bad. ( He shakes his head, reinforcing this fact. ) You're a very, very good person to me.
( And he needs a moment to just feel that, find the sting of it in his eyes and the stutter to his breathing, because this is not what he expected. Neither is it what he expects when he just sums it up as: )
You make it so hard not to love you, how's that fair!
( The crux of what's scared him all along, and the length of his denial. Loving anyone, Lan Zhan included, means being open to losing them. And that's scary; it's scary, and he hates it, this thing that could be entirely out of his control. At the same time, he loves him. )