( Oh, he needs more patience, he needs depths of it that Jiang Yanli had, but he's only himself, matured or otherwise. Wei Wuxian breathes in, swallows against the thickness in his throat and the frustration there, the anger, not as his former brother so much as at himself and the world for having been what it has been. Unfair?
That's the nature of it, and the good things are the blessings that are fought for and held onto and earned. He lifts both hands to cradle the sides of Jiang Cheng's face, voice low and intense, eyes red rimmed as he resists banging their heads together. Sometimes he thinks it'd be faster, but he knows the more they fight, the less either one of them really hears.
It'd be so much easier fighting. It's be so much easier not trying to struggle through facing these tangled emotions, ones that knot in his chest in different ways, but no less familiar. He wants Jiang Cheng to be okay. He needs him to be, and he doesn't know how to fix this. But that's part of it too, he thinks. It's not something either of them can fix on their own. )
And I told you to let me go! I said cut me out, so the clans would stop hounding you. We both made mistakes, Jiang Cheng! I helped get shijie killed. That was my fault, just like believing it was going to be okay coming to Carp Tower. I should have known better. I shouldn't have trusted staying quiet was enough, but I did, and I let that play out by walking right into their hands.
( His voice breaks on this, because he does not want to talk about it, does not want to revisit things he remembers, does not want to flirt with the abyss he'd dropped into when he'd seen the light in Jiang Yanli's eyes go forever dim. He'd killed her killer; he'd lost what was left of his ability to hold back, or to hold together. He'd destroyed the stygian tiger seal while crying through laughter partially hysterical.
He had sought his own death, and then, caught and dangling from Lan Zhan's hand, the blood binding them, and Jiang Cheng, grieving and looming, had not struck him down. Yet the shuddering of rock had been another fear through him, and Wei Wuxian had pulled back, had thrown himself down, rather than see the last of anyone he cared about still alive in the world fall down with him, and damn them all. )
You survived so much loss, helped raise your nephew, grew the sect to be a strength and power of its own... Jiang Cheng, your only failure is in believing in yourself.
asdflkj the struggle is real i feel you
That's the nature of it, and the good things are the blessings that are fought for and held onto and earned. He lifts both hands to cradle the sides of Jiang Cheng's face, voice low and intense, eyes red rimmed as he resists banging their heads together. Sometimes he thinks it'd be faster, but he knows the more they fight, the less either one of them really hears.
It'd be so much easier fighting. It's be so much easier not trying to struggle through facing these tangled emotions, ones that knot in his chest in different ways, but no less familiar. He wants Jiang Cheng to be okay. He needs him to be, and he doesn't know how to fix this. But that's part of it too, he thinks. It's not something either of them can fix on their own. )
And I told you to let me go! I said cut me out, so the clans would stop hounding you. We both made mistakes, Jiang Cheng! I helped get shijie killed. That was my fault, just like believing it was going to be okay coming to Carp Tower. I should have known better. I shouldn't have trusted staying quiet was enough, but I did, and I let that play out by walking right into their hands.
( His voice breaks on this, because he does not want to talk about it, does not want to revisit things he remembers, does not want to flirt with the abyss he'd dropped into when he'd seen the light in Jiang Yanli's eyes go forever dim. He'd killed her killer; he'd lost what was left of his ability to hold back, or to hold together. He'd destroyed the stygian tiger seal while crying through laughter partially hysterical.
He had sought his own death, and then, caught and dangling from Lan Zhan's hand, the blood binding them, and Jiang Cheng, grieving and looming, had not struck him down. Yet the shuddering of rock had been another fear through him, and Wei Wuxian had pulled back, had thrown himself down, rather than see the last of anyone he cared about still alive in the world fall down with him, and damn them all. )
You survived so much loss, helped raise your nephew, grew the sect to be a strength and power of its own... Jiang Cheng, your only failure is in believing in yourself.