Eastbound Contact

[weifinder]

Wei Wuxian
missives | encounters

Comments

[downswing]

( Can it be, is that... the silhouette of his soul, deserting him? )


Yes.

[weifinder]

You knew!

When were you planning to tell me? Do you have a favourite? What one? Or ones? Which did you want to try? Which have you already used?

[downswing]

( A. Slow. Reminder. )


You are treating my body as a curse rune to tinker with.

[weifinder]

What? No, no, I want to learn yours, not remake it, ah?

[downswing]

These are private matters.

[weifinder]

... from who?

[downswing]

For whom.

[weifinder]

The answer being what.

( u pedantic donkey )

[downswing]

Private between the parties involved.

[weifinder]

Lan Zhan, if it's between you and your hands I think you're just being mean.

If it wasn't, then of course that's also your business, but why can't you speak of it? There's nothing to feel shame over, you know that, don't you?

( also husbae you weren't exactly confident, which doesn't incline him to think there were a great many Someones the last sixteen years. not that he'll discount there could be, but that's not! the point! )

It's not like you can't ask me, too. If you cared to.

[downswing]

( He takes... far too long to answer.

Longer, perhaps, than he might have thought it would.

Longer than the slipped sands of a lifetime. )


I care to.

[weifinder]

Are you asking now?

[downswing]

It would appear so.

1/?

[weifinder]

I don't remember when I first found people attractive, instead of just knowing people were attractive. Sometime in my teen years? When teasing everyone became something I could tell meant something different to women and young ladies, mostly, so I had to be more careful and more deliberate. It was fun! But there was something there that'd changed, and changing expectations, and I started reading an assortment of novels that wouldn't have been on the common Gusu Library Shelves, if you know what I mean!

[weifinder]

Those were fun and exciting and also extremely safe and had nothing to do with anyone I actually knew for quite some time, so if any stray ideas came into my head on nights I didn't sleep well, I remembered more of those things when just ignoring things didn't resolve them. Had some interesting dreams, I assume, though I only remember the end result, not the dreaming! I don't miss that.

[weifinder]

Which implies I did remember things, at some point, and mostly that's not true — the few I remember were faceless, shapeless, more impression than anything tangible, and then there were the few with you. What was it, for sure one before you left Gusu or something like that, another one much later, after you visited Yiling. I don't remember actually touching you. In dreams, obviously! And don't take this poorly, but for many reasons, I didn't think about those much at all. I don't know that I even remembered them until lately, and even that's hazy... I don't remember most my dreams, ah?

( the nightmares, he makes himself forget. the nice dreams don't startle him into waking, still fresh on mind. only the dreams of loss did that, and he never recalled those beyond the weight in his chest when waking, and he's not presently talking about those things. nor inclined to, generally. )

[weifinder]

You'd think with the amount of things I read when I was younger I would have been more creative with myself, but there's always so much going on, it was more like... a lulling, snatching something kinder when there wasn't enough alcohol to drown things out, and I wanted anything else to sink into, that sort of thing. Not so much as a teenager, but in my early twenties. Most of when you knew me!

( you know if he reflects on this at all it's going to be pathetic so how does he make himself not sound pathetic? )

[weifinder]

Then everything was more complicated than ever, and for a long time there wasn't anything to think about but the passing of time, and then after that — travel, shadow men pulling strings for solving mysteries, you were with me the whole time, when did I have time for anything? If I'd even thought of it, I didn't keep thinking, ah?

( ... okay not helping )

[weifinder]

When I was traveling on my own after Jin Guangyao was killed, while you settled into Chief Cultivator and Sizhui was finding his way to his past with Wen Ning, when I was off with Little Apple, that was probably the first time since?

Not that it was a priority, but traveling the world in ways I never could before, keeping company with a donkey and people in this or that town or this or that village or this or that city, all nice, moments of brightness and dullness and darkness, depending. I might have found some of myself out there or something like that, and then I found myself, and it was a little different form of living I hadn't thought about in a long, long time. Which was nice! Really, it was! I've always had skilled hands, ah? ;)

[weifinder]

You know, how come I never thought about toys? You'd think I would think about things like that! Creative inventions! Then again I was traveling with everything packed on one donkey.

Nevermind, nevermind, not important!

[weifinder]

I probably dreamed more about you while I was traveling, but I tried not to be so rude as to think about you when... with myself................

[weifinder]

This is pathetic

I'm pathetic

Lan Zhaaaan put me out of my misery

[weifinder]

I spent the last year and a half trying to seduce you after we married for the fourth time? That failed horribly but I know I dreamed about you a lot more then!

But also you were there so often I never did anything unless I stole off into quiet places and then it was just quick and maddening and more about release than anything else!

end

[weifinder]

So what I'm trying to say is I'm impressed I even lasted a third of an incense stick okay

wait the real end now

[weifinder]

And I am definitely lasting longer the next times! Like I did last night!