[But then, Xie Lian is someone who relies on keeping his grades up and his attendance record spotless so that he can keep getting his scholarship money.]
Hopefully he finds something he likes and chooses a major soon. He doesn't have parents or a guardian to be on his back about his grades, so I have to keep an eye on him.
I really don't think he's failed at applying himself...
( A slightly narrowed eye look of amusement cast Lianlian's way. )
Mm, I'm sure he likes you on his back. Besides, isn't that one way to do things? You keep an eye on him up close and he feeds you. Pretty nice deal, isn't it?
.... Wei-xiong, are you sure? It feels like it's been way longer than that.
[He remembers parties Wangji did not attend but came to pick up Wei Ying from, study sessions, Wangji making food for Wei Wuxian, and also Wei Wuxian just being more settled in general whenever Wangji is around.]
[Give him like, two seconds for this to reach his brain... and then Xie Lian's eyes widen and he goes all red and he clasps his hand on his mouth after nearly choking on a bite of his food.]
... Is that what it looks like? Oh dear. Oh dear. I just... Oh my god.
... He's really young and latching onto me because he doesn't know many people here?
[Okay, even Xie Lian himself knows this is a really flimsy excuse, but also, Hua Cheng hasn't really gone and said anything... and wishful thinking when you're the older party and also not exactly the best role model is not really on, in Xie Lian's opinion.]
I know he's attached to me, but... I've tried not to encourage him too much, and he hasn't really said anything... It sort of feels weird and wrong and like I'd be taking advantage of him.
[Even though he is technically an adult, and not that much younger, really, but still.]
I guess maybe I've been waiting for him to tell me why he suddenly started hanging out with me after he came to this school. Maybe I should ask him, but it never felt like the right time for it, somehow... and the way he looks at me sometimes, it feels like he's known me way longer than just the few months he's been there, and like I should remember something that I don't.
Huh. Honestly, he's not exactly a kid, not more than we are... and if he does, couldn't you ask?
( Says Wei Wuxian, who is so great at asking, but in this kind of case, probably actually would. )
It's not like you try to forget things, it can just happen, and then he knows that you care enough to want to ask, right? Something like that! You do care enough, don't you~
[He looks unusually serious this time, actually preoccupied.]
For a while now, I've had this strange feeling. It's really weird, and I can't tell where it came from, and I have nothing to prove it one way or another but...
... I think... I think he came here to look for me. Specifically.
[He knows this sounds presumptuous. There is absolutely nothing to this except a persistent, gut feeling.]
I've done a lot of things int he past that I am not really proud of. And I've tried to make it right, whenever I could, but there will always be people who resent me for the way I acted back then, and they would be justified to. But San Lang... He just appeared one day, and it's like he knew exactly who I was, and it didn't matter. He just came closer and stayed there and...
[Xie Lian rubs his face.]
He hasn't done anything wrong. If anything, he's really sweet. I'm just worried about him, I guess. Did I do something to him or someone he knows back then. If yes, why would he act like this? And if no, why is he here? What does he want?
( He listens, and it is attentive, and he is serious, which enough people would think contrary to his nature, but never particular true. )
It's not like I'm going to speak about what our pasts can do to our perception of things, or that mine's all good things and nothing bad, ever. Are you scared that asking him about any of this might lead to him going away?
[Because, well... because he likes San Lang and he has to admit it.]
And if it turns out I did do something bad to him or someone dear to him, I think I'd want to at least apologize, and offer him whatever retribution he thinks is fair.
... But getting close to me and being nice and helpful and making sure I eat properly seems like a weird way to get revenge, doesn't it.
Honestly, I don't know, my concept of revenge is more immediate and then shake off all the attached feelings. Even for a long game, though, that's a weird way to get things figured out.
( It doesn't even really do great as a "get him to care about me then ruthlessly break his heart," because he cannot, for his life, imagine Xie Lian has caused that brand of pain even unintentionally for anyone so far in his life. )
Mah, do ask, don't ask, go with what seems to fit your mood and how you get along. I say ask, but that's just my opinion on things.
[Okay, okay, he's just teasing you. Or is he? Clearly, you were being more oblivious than he thought.]
I also think it would be weird, and I would have had to do something really terrible, and as bad as I have been, I don't think I actually ruined anyone's life, so... I mean I did some unsavory things, but I don't think it went to that level.
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[But then, Xie Lian is someone who relies on keeping his grades up and his attendance record spotless so that he can keep getting his scholarship money.]
Hopefully he finds something he likes and chooses a major soon. He doesn't have parents or a guardian to be on his back about his grades, so I have to keep an eye on him.
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( A slightly narrowed eye look of amusement cast Lianlian's way. )
Mm, I'm sure he likes you on his back. Besides, isn't that one way to do things? You keep an eye on him up close and he feeds you. Pretty nice deal, isn't it?
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[Weirdly suggestive and not what he meant, but also kind of but also not? And also...]
Actually that sounds a bit like you and Lan-xiong.
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Mm, looks like we're both people who attract people who just want to make sure we eat regularly, huh? Hah!
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[And thankfully those people are relentless in their insistance.]
How are things with the two of you?
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Things are good? Depends on what you mean by that.
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[Which you don't have to, of course, it just seems strange to move and not move in with your boyfriend.]
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( Things he's forgotten to say because his priorities have not been in bragging rights as he's not been hanging around anyone he wants to annoy )
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... Haven't you two been dating for a while? How long has it been now, a year?
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... Like three weeks?
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.... Wei-xiong, are you sure? It feels like it's been way longer than that.
[He remembers parties Wangji did not attend but came to pick up Wei Ying from, study sessions, Wangji making food for Wei Wuxian, and also Wei Wuxian just being more settled in general whenever Wangji is around.]
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... Is that what it looks like? Oh dear. Oh dear. I just... Oh my god.
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...
( he grins. )
Does this mean I'm not the only oblivious one here?
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[Okay, even Xie Lian himself knows this is a really flimsy excuse, but also, Hua Cheng hasn't really gone and said anything... and wishful thinking when you're the older party and also not exactly the best role model is not really on, in Xie Lian's opinion.]
I know he's attached to me, but... I've tried not to encourage him too much, and he hasn't really said anything... It sort of feels weird and wrong and like I'd be taking advantage of him.
[Even though he is technically an adult, and not that much younger, really, but still.]
I guess maybe I've been waiting for him to tell me why he suddenly started hanging out with me after he came to this school. Maybe I should ask him, but it never felt like the right time for it, somehow... and the way he looks at me sometimes, it feels like he's known me way longer than just the few months he's been there, and like I should remember something that I don't.
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( Says Wei Wuxian, who is so great at asking, but in this kind of case, probably actually would. )
It's not like you try to forget things, it can just happen, and then he knows that you care enough to want to ask, right? Something like that! You do care enough, don't you~
( And now, teasing again. )
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[He looks unusually serious this time, actually preoccupied.]
For a while now, I've had this strange feeling. It's really weird, and I can't tell where it came from, and I have nothing to prove it one way or another but...
... I think... I think he came here to look for me. Specifically.
[He knows this sounds presumptuous. There is absolutely nothing to this except a persistent, gut feeling.]
I've done a lot of things int he past that I am not really proud of. And I've tried to make it right, whenever I could, but there will always be people who resent me for the way I acted back then, and they would be justified to. But San Lang... He just appeared one day, and it's like he knew exactly who I was, and it didn't matter. He just came closer and stayed there and...
[Xie Lian rubs his face.]
He hasn't done anything wrong. If anything, he's really sweet. I'm just worried about him, I guess. Did I do something to him or someone he knows back then. If yes, why would he act like this? And if no, why is he here? What does he want?
[That feels dangerous to ask.]
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( He listens, and it is attentive, and he is serious, which enough people would think contrary to his nature, but never particular true. )
It's not like I'm going to speak about what our pasts can do to our perception of things, or that mine's all good things and nothing bad, ever. Are you scared that asking him about any of this might lead to him going away?
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[Because, well... because he likes San Lang and he has to admit it.]
And if it turns out I did do something bad to him or someone dear to him, I think I'd want to at least apologize, and offer him whatever retribution he thinks is fair.
... But getting close to me and being nice and helpful and making sure I eat properly seems like a weird way to get revenge, doesn't it.
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( It doesn't even really do great as a "get him to care about me then ruthlessly break his heart," because he cannot, for his life, imagine Xie Lian has caused that brand of pain even unintentionally for anyone so far in his life. )
Mah, do ask, don't ask, go with what seems to fit your mood and how you get along. I say ask, but that's just my opinion on things.
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[Okay, okay, he's just teasing you. Or is he? Clearly, you were being more oblivious than he thought.]
I also think it would be weird, and I would have had to do something really terrible, and as bad as I have been, I don't think I actually ruined anyone's life, so... I mean I did some unsavory things, but I don't think it went to that level.