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[weifinder]

Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian

The Untamed

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[feidu]

... You're admitting to being tamed? I'm surprised.

But really, Wei-xiong... aren't you enjoying him spoiling you like that? isn't nice to have someone who cares for you that way?

[Can you spell 'hypocrite', Fei Du?]

[weifinder]

I haven't run off, and that's easier than handling some things.

Mm, Fei-xiong, aren't you? Isn't it nice?

[feidu]

[It's not nice to call him out, Wei-xiong, you know he still occasionally has panic attacks just because his boyfriend is nice.]

So you're telling me you let him cook for you not because you like his cooking and the fact that you are the only person he cooks for, but because it's easier than cooking yourself?

[weifinder]

( sometimes it's just pushing back too, no one likes feeling exposed... not that he'd feel good about triggering a panic attack for his friend. )

Hey, I said nothing like that, I cook for myself just fine, though I might not eat as regularly.

[feidu]

'that's easier than handling some things.'

what things, then?

[weifinder]

Tying yourself to someone who ceases wanting you when you're inconvenient? Failing someone who depends on your feelings when you don't even know what you're feeling because it can't only be the positives. I don't know, Fei-xiong, if friends and family don't even necessarily stay, can't you mess up so lovers leave too? Can't you only lose what's been defined?

[feidu]

Wei-xiong

you can, in fact, lose something that you didn't put words on or reach for

not having done so will not make you feel better about losing it.

[weifinder]

No, but if you try hard enough, you can forget you ever had things you didn't want to lose.

It's not logical, any of those thoughts, but you asked why.

[feidu]

Believe me, Wei-xiong, I know.

For years, I didn't let myself care about anyone because I thought I was incapable of actually caring. I talked myself into it, because it made it easier, and I hid it with my infatuation with Tao Ran ge that I knew would never get anywhere. it turns out I do care, and other people care about me too, and tbh it's pretty terrifying

but I think if I didn't have that, I might be dead now.

[weifinder]

I'm glad you're alive.

[feidu]

... I wish I could say the same, but it's still a process for me to realize it actually matters to some people that I am still alive.

Thank you, Wei-xiong.

[weifinder]

You're realising it, though. So... that's progress.

I can remind you periodically too. Hello, good morning! I'm glad you're alive!

[feidu]

You're a good soul, Wei-xiong.

[weifinder]

Debatable on some days, but yes, yes I am. As I find you to be, too, Fei-xiong.

[feidu]

I would argue I am not, but we could probably get into a circular argument all day so I'll concede for now.

[weifinder]

Also a wise soul, see! Talk with you on campus tomorrow?

[feidu]

yes, I'll be there. Good night, Wei-xiong.