Eastbound Contact

[weifinder]

Wei Wuxian
missives | encounters

Comments

[downswing]

Wei Ying. ( How to... not sound menacing. An ongoing struggle. ) Do not give away so much of yourself to every hand that you leave Sizhui's bare.

[weifinder]

Lan Zhan... am I? Even now?

( He sighs, and he sounds so tired, for a moment; tired and close eyed, on his side of things. )

The bones have limits. Whatever was on the one tomb, it doesn't linger. There are two sets of hands I need to be able to hold onto, no matter what comes. Sizhui's, and yours. I won't let go again.

[downswing]

You speak as if you are fettered. Instructed as a child.

[weifinder]

Who do you feel like that's the case? It's not how I feel. Just reminded, there are people I have to care for, fight for, return to. Ones who want me around, ah?

[downswing]

( Guilt. But perhaps also: )

'Need to.' 'Have to.'

[weifinder]

Saying want makes it feel like at any moment, it'll disappear.

[downswing]

You know where in the turnip patch to rescue him from, should he disappear.

[weifinder]

The hole I dug him, ah?

[downswing]

Mmmm. ( But approvingly. ) What then to fear?

[weifinder]

( He laughs, short but genuine. )

Nothing, nothing. Nothing to fear.

( nothing that isn't manageable, he means. )

[downswing]

If you have nothing, you have him. If all backs turn to you, his stays strong. Believe that.

[weifinder]

I do.

( once, he did not know. and once, for good reason, he would not have put the weight of that world on a four year old's shoulders. now, he's met a young man; there's a lifetime to not reclaim, but a lifetime to build, together. with... those who had survived. he wasn't supposed to be one of them, but he was, and he wasn't ungrateful. not these days. )

I believe in him, and I believe in you.

[downswing]

I believe in Wei Ying's promise.


( If not, at times, in Wei Ying's judgement. )

[weifinder]

( A not unwise distinction to make. )

I'm glad there's at least two of you who do.

[downswing]

...Wei Ying. ( This physically pains him. ) Jiang Wanyin is only half-blind to your achievements. Mistress Wen welcomes them.

[weifinder]

( He laughs, but not sharp, more—tired, contrite. )

Mistress Wen thinks better of me than I do, and Jiang Wanyin doesn't know, yet, I still need to tell him. Taravast, I thought, because in that canyon we were all trapped, and he needs space to deal with all of what he's not going to want to believe.

[downswing]

Do you fear him?

( Well. )

Do you require me present?

[weifinder]

( ... frankly, he's embarrassed. )

I, ah... Don't want to see him cry again. It's nothing, I can handle it, it's just--unpleasant.

[downswing]

He cries unseemly. Deeper than infant disciples.

[weifinder]

Lan Zhan! Only shijie cried pretty from Yunmeng! Be fair!

( no illusions on him being any better a crier, but the faint, sad attempt at humour says enough in and of itself. he doesn't want to see Jiang Cheng cry and he knows he has to. he told Wen Qing he would tell his brother. he will.

he hates it, honestly, fully, but he will. )

[downswing]

Wei Ying. He does not own your secrets.

[weifinder]

Neither does he own my honesty.

[downswing]

Then, why? ( Breathe. Breathe. ) Wei Ying.

[weifinder]

( Silence, for a beat. Two. Three. )

Making decisions on what he can or can't handle... I thought it was for the better. It wasn't my right, Lan Zhan. No matter how much I cared about him, or how much I wanted to spare him.

( Quieter still. )

It took me far too long to realise that.

[downswing]

( Wormwood on his tongue, bitter-sharp. Weeks of voyage whole. Sizhui, by any other name. )


It is not as the sword. With battering, the spirit gains no calluses. Only lessens itself.