Lan Zhan, you will cuddle and appreciate the artistry of the sound technicians if nothing else, okay, stop judging the unreality of what is thankfully just fiction! We don't need actual alien massacres happening, things are much nicer when zombie uprisings are only in fiction, and who wants to deal with being turned into a slave in your own body?
I will happily cuddle. You cannot make me not notice impossible inaccuracies, I will merely refrain from pointing them out until you ask. In the unlikely event of an alien invasion or a zombie hoard, rest assured I will protect you. Even while purchasing a hat for the sole purpose of eating it if those inaccuracies prove true.
Uuuh how about whatever juice I get on sale, I'm not sure I have much of a thoughtful favourite. Wine, yes, juice, less so.
Make it a chocolate hat, I wouldn't want Lan Zhan to suffer in the unlikely even that we wake up in the zombie apocalypse tomorrow. Anyway, yes! We will cuddle and think up ways to tie the movie logic into a sense of consistency. That's the real fun part!
As long as it is a natural fruit juice I will not mind. Pulp is good for you.
If chocolate hats exist I will order one. I also think it is unlikely that we have an apocalyptic event tomorrow, but it pays to be prepared. If that is what would make you happy I will gladly acquiesce to your whims, even while some of the plot holes are so large we may have to write a whole new movie.
Okay now that we agree, come over, we'll order the chocolate hat, and we'll watch terrible movies together so that if we do wake up tomorrow in the zombie apocalypse, we'll be pop culture prepared to handle it. Deal?
[ Lan Zhan half smiles down at his phone when he reads the text. He made a brief stop on his way over for some small additions to surprise Wei Ying with. He would have his own kitchen, but Lan Zhan knew it was not well stocked at the best of times and he would prefer to get as many vitamins in as possible.
He raised his hand to Wei Ying's front door and knocked, twice.]
( From where he's sprawled on the sofa, phone in hand, feet kicked up on the arm, and television remote on the short table in front of the sofa. He's looking for chocolate hats, and so far has found some silly ones, paired with... oh. This one has alcohol!
Next. )
Were you hungry?
( Is his followup question when he hears the door open. )
[ The casual reply makes him smile, so he opens the door while balancing his produce in one hand. The sight of Wei Ying, legs akimbo, makes him smile more. He manages to smother it back down when Wei Ying glances up and talks about food. ]
Mn. Food is good.
[ He puts the shopping in the kitchen, all of this will keep. ]
I have supplies for cooking, but we can do that another time if you wish?
[ He starts putting the ingredients in the fridge while also checking what, if anything, Wei Ying already has. He knows Wei Ying has noodles, he bought them last time he came here. ]
( Riiiight Lan Zhan actually cooks, he doesn't forget this so much as not factor it into "lazy" coded days. Wei Wuxian rolls off the couch and oads his way on into the kitchen, catching sight of Lan Zhan putting things into the fridge. A fridge with an eye mask in it, with no explanation, along with various pickled things, odds and ends and the remains of some potato dish he must have made himself the day before. )
I don't mind, it's your time to decide what to do with. Ordering something just means you suffer the movies earlier, and the suffering ends sooner.
( He grins, as this is clearly the selling point, but then is shifting over to the sink to grab some of what cleaned dishes were sitting there, drying. )
What do you say?
I mean it is... but even LWJ will notice if you do that
[ Lan Zhan smiles softly as he unpacks the last leafy green vegetables into the fridge. Cooking with Wei Ying is always an adventure, but he wouldn't mind letting himself get swept into a terrible movie. He will compromise. He turns back to Wei Ying, the manic grin on his face somehow still endearing. ]
I will make us snacks and dessert. We can order food. Do you have a preference?
[ He starts with microwave popcorn, shaking the bag and sending it spinning away to heat up. Lan Zhan then grabs a bowl out of the cupboard, sets it aside and walks over to see what kind of food they'll be getting. ]
( He hums and brings up a few of the more local to the area and not... expensive... restaurants, finally settling on some kind of fresh fish bowl place that has a robust selection of vegetarian options in addition to thin slices of fish and other meats. All raw, yes, or seared lightly.
He holds his phone up to Lan Zhan when he joins him, lifting his eyebrows. )
See anything on menu that looks appealing?
( To a chorus of pops from the microwave, the scent of popped corn suffusing the area. )
[ Lan Zhan tactfully refrains from asking if Wei Ying is on the menu, it is second nature by now at this stage in their friendship. He squints slightly, then takes Wei Ying's hand holding the phone and pulls it closer to his eyes. He flicks through the menu, then the hygiene rating and finds it acceptable. He selects a mixed lentils and tofu platter, then lets go. ]
It is your turn.
[ He rumbles as he steps back to the side where he left a bag of salad. He knows the likelihood of Wei Ying ordering a fruit or vegetable is low enough he feels the need to supplement it, then gets distracted by the microwave. He sources a bowl and pulls out the very hot bag, tipping it into the bowl and making his way towards the sofa.]
What is the terrible movie you cannot wait to see?
( This isn't Booty Call, it's a restaurant, Lan Zhan, they don't brook with those things! He ends up selecting something with beef and vegetables of some kind, because variety is the spice of life, and this one's rated extra hot. )
The Wicker Man!
( Welcome to the birth of a hundred memes, Lan Zhan. Order sent, he pays for it with his connected account, watching his phone while it processes. Once it does, he grins, nabbing a few paper towels before joining Lan Zhan at the sofa. )
( Movie time, movie time! With his phone tracking order progress, at least a good half hour to full hour out, he sets up the player and on with the movie, having no knowledge to really run with beyond a guessed: )
The cultists tend the bees.
( It has to bee. He can't beelieve that Nicholas Cage and the Wicker Man was about a man pitted against giant sentient bees.
The movie would have been titled The Bee Man if it had! (He's not questioning if a Wicker is a thing or not.) )
[ Lan Zhan has gone from dubious to outright incredulous. He has seen bad movies, he has seen cheap movies. He has even seen Nicolas cage act before. This movie is... what even is it. ]
Already questionable that he could have missed the cause of the accident, the exposition heavy letter and the citizens of the island practically having 'Cult' stamped on their foreheads. It is unsurprising that he did not become a detective.
[ You asked for this Wei Ying. He will tear this movie to shreds. ]
( Wei Wuxian, for his part, is equally popcorning the ridiculousness of the movie as he is Lan Zhan's outrages over the fact the movie is inherently beyond belief. In fact, at one point, he tries to put popcorn into Lan Zhan's mouth, because this important piece of ridiculous dialogue is worth hearing uninterrupted. )
Some people have dreams they're never meant to realise, I'm surprised he never lost his daughter before now. Besides! It's such a nice seeming creepy cult!
( That and that when there are bees involved... he simply says, )
Release the bees.
( There are no bee releases. He just says it.
Dinner arrives in the process, and he gives Lan Zhan a mock serious look. )
Do I hit pause, or do I just leave you here to suffer while I answer the door?
[ Lan Zhan is caught up being absolutely traumatised by the dialogue, including small children chanting 'phallic symbol', Nicolas cage's love interest refusing to speak anything that could be considered clear and HOW DID IT GET BURNED. It takes him a second to notice the doorbell.
When Wei Ying asks his head snaps to look at him, eyes wide. ]
If you leave me alone in this I will never cook for you again.
[ He has been grinding his teeth so hard in places it was audible, making growling noises that could have been words every time his mouth is full so decorum says he cannot speak. All the growls vaguely translate to things like "How has he not called for back up?", "He is allergic to the bees why is he running towards them?" and other delights. ]
( The best part of watching this movie is watching Lan Zhan watch this movie. Wei Wuxian is living and he's not remotely apologetic. When Lan Zhan turns a wide eyed look at him and threatens to redact all housewife priveledges from their friendship, Wei Wuxian can't help himself: he laughs, holding up his hands in a defeated gesture. )
Fine, fine, for the sake of your cooking, I yield!
( For the sake of Lan Zhan's hilarious look right now, he'd yield anything.
A touch of the remote has the movie paused, and he heads for the door with a spring in his step and no hesitations in pulling it open to accept the food thus handed over. Still hot to the touch, and he turns, grinning, using his foot to close the door and heading to the table. )
Still hot! Lan Zhan, grab a few dishes, I'll get the chopsticks—did you want water or something else to drink?
( To clutch at while Nicholas Cage continued to court his own ludicrous disaster on the island of feminine bee empowerment. Or something. Wei Wuxian stopped paying attention at the first attempt at making out what Lan Zhan had been grumbling over earlier. )
[ Truly a wise choice on Wei Ying's part. Not because Lan Zhan would ever have followed through with his threat, Wei Ying would die of malnutrition in a month, but because he would have found a way to exact revenge. Slowly. Painfully. With the movie paused and sanity momentarily restored, he takes his order and puts it on a plate and frowns at the idea of eating out of a carton. ]
Water is sufficient.
[ Lan Zhan scowls at the paused screen. He lost any faith in the movie around minute seven but this is showing his expectations should have been even lower. ]
I do not understand how this movie even got made. It is a blight.
If you're asking me to understand the way the United States makes movies, I won't be able to explain it. It's all nonsense to me.
( Not entirely true, but he doesn't so much follow movie trends as read reviews every so often on sites he browses when bored.
Fetching a glass, he pours water out for both of them, then two sets of chopsticks, from different collectives. The ones tipped with carved clouds he extends to Lan Zhan, serving himself on another plate and gesturing to the water he'd set on the table. )
Choose whichever you want, they're both water. I'm saving the wine for later.
( A grin, and also a note: )
Not to mention, what I have right now won't pair well with what we're eating.
( This is him being outright pompous for the sake of it, given he has little care for matching palates instead of whims. )
Come on, let's watch and eat, how else are we going to make it to the end?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cont.
Whatever juice you want, why?
Lan Zhan, you will cuddle and appreciate the artistry of the sound technicians if nothing else, okay, stop judging the unreality of what is thankfully just fiction! We don't need actual alien massacres happening, things are much nicer when zombie uprisings are only in fiction, and who wants to deal with being turned into a slave in your own body?
no subject
I will happily cuddle. You cannot make me not notice impossible inaccuracies, I will merely refrain from pointing them out until you ask. In the unlikely event of an alien invasion or a zombie hoard, rest assured I will protect you. Even while purchasing a hat for the sole purpose of eating it if those inaccuracies prove true.
no subject
Make it a chocolate hat, I wouldn't want Lan Zhan to suffer in the unlikely even that we wake up in the zombie apocalypse tomorrow. Anyway, yes! We will cuddle and think up ways to tie the movie logic into a sense of consistency. That's the real fun part!
no subject
If chocolate hats exist I will order one. I also think it is unlikely that we have an apocalyptic event tomorrow, but it pays to be prepared. If that is what would make you happy I will gladly acquiesce to your whims, even while some of the plot holes are so large we may have to write a whole new movie.
The fun part is watching them with you.
no subject
Okay now that we agree, come over, we'll order the chocolate hat, and we'll watch terrible movies together so that if we do wake up tomorrow in the zombie apocalypse, we'll be pop culture prepared to handle it. Deal?
no subject
I am prepared to make this sacrifice. Deal.
I will see you shortly.
no subject
Good! You can knock but the door will be unlocked!
do we wanna continue with the visit or?
Wei Ying, that is unsafe.
i'm happy to do so!
Lan Zhan, I'm leaving it unlocked for you, ah? Who's coming over to home invade.
Fantastic
He raised his hand to Wei Ying's front door and knocked, twice.]
no subject
Not locked!
( From where he's sprawled on the sofa, phone in hand, feet kicked up on the arm, and television remote on the short table in front of the sofa. He's looking for chocolate hats, and so far has found some silly ones, paired with... oh. This one has alcohol!
Next. )
Were you hungry?
( Is his followup question when he hears the door open. )
I was thinking of calling in delivery.
( For terrible movie night. As you do. )
wei ying if you do that this is date
Mn. Food is good.
[ He puts the shopping in the kitchen, all of this will keep. ]
I have supplies for cooking, but we can do that another time if you wish?
[ He starts putting the ingredients in the fridge while also checking what, if anything, Wei Ying already has. He knows Wei Ying has noodles, he bought them last time he came here. ]
wasn't it already, he just didn't notice
I don't mind, it's your time to decide what to do with. Ordering something just means you suffer the movies earlier, and the suffering ends sooner.
( He grins, as this is clearly the selling point, but then is shifting over to the sink to grab some of what cleaned dishes were sitting there, drying. )
What do you say?
I mean it is... but even LWJ will notice if you do that
[ Lan Zhan smiles softly as he unpacks the last leafy green vegetables into the fridge. Cooking with Wei Ying is always an adventure, but he wouldn't mind letting himself get swept into a terrible movie. He will compromise. He turns back to Wei Ying, the manic grin on his face somehow still endearing. ]
I will make us snacks and dessert. We can order food. Do you have a preference?
[ He starts with microwave popcorn, shaking the bag and sending it spinning away to heat up. Lan Zhan then grabs a bowl out of the cupboard, sets it aside and walks over to see what kind of food they'll be getting. ]
oh good one of them will notice then
He holds his phone up to Lan Zhan when he joins him, lifting his eyebrows. )
See anything on menu that looks appealing?
( To a chorus of pops from the microwave, the scent of popped corn suffusing the area. )
lets see if he says anything about it
He squints slightly, then takes Wei Ying's hand holding the phone and pulls it closer to his eyes. He flicks through the menu, then the hygiene rating and finds it acceptable. He selects a mixed lentils and tofu platter, then lets go. ]
It is your turn.
[ He rumbles as he steps back to the side where he left a bag of salad. He knows the likelihood of Wei Ying ordering a fruit or vegetable is low enough he feels the need to supplement it, then gets distracted by the microwave.
He sources a bowl and pulls out the very hot bag, tipping it into the bowl and making his way towards the sofa.]
What is the terrible movie you cannot wait to see?
dun dun dun!!!
The Wicker Man!
( Welcome to the birth of a hundred memes, Lan Zhan. Order sent, he pays for it with his connected account, watching his phone while it processes. Once it does, he grins, nabbing a few paper towels before joining Lan Zhan at the sofa. )
I think bees are involved.
Re: dun dun dun!!!
How prepared do you think I should be?
[ While Wei Ying is distracted, Lan Zhan finds Wei Ying's wallet and slides some money in it. He puts it back and says nothing about it. ]
Bees? It talks about cultism. Are the bees the cultists?
no subject
The cultists tend the bees.
( It has to bee. He can't beelieve that Nicholas Cage and the Wicker Man was about a man pitted against giant sentient bees.
The movie would have been titled The Bee Man if it had! (He's not questioning if a Wicker is a thing or not.) )
no subject
Already questionable that he could have missed the cause of the accident, the exposition heavy letter and the citizens of the island practically having 'Cult' stamped on their foreheads. It is unsurprising that he did not become a detective.
[ You asked for this Wei Ying. He will tear this movie to shreds. ]
no subject
Some people have dreams they're never meant to realise, I'm surprised he never lost his daughter before now. Besides! It's such a nice seeming creepy cult!
( That and that when there are bees involved... he simply says, )
Release the bees.
( There are no bee releases. He just says it.
Dinner arrives in the process, and he gives Lan Zhan a mock serious look. )
Do I hit pause, or do I just leave you here to suffer while I answer the door?
no subject
When Wei Ying asks his head snaps to look at him, eyes wide. ]
If you leave me alone in this I will never cook for you again.
[ He has been grinding his teeth so hard in places it was audible, making growling noises that could have been words every time his mouth is full so decorum says he cannot speak. All the growls vaguely translate to things like "How has he not called for back up?", "He is allergic to the bees why is he running towards them?" and other delights. ]
no subject
Fine, fine, for the sake of your cooking, I yield!
( For the sake of Lan Zhan's hilarious look right now, he'd yield anything.
A touch of the remote has the movie paused, and he heads for the door with a spring in his step and no hesitations in pulling it open to accept the food thus handed over. Still hot to the touch, and he turns, grinning, using his foot to close the door and heading to the table. )
Still hot! Lan Zhan, grab a few dishes, I'll get the chopsticks—did you want water or something else to drink?
( To clutch at while Nicholas Cage continued to court his own ludicrous disaster on the island of feminine bee empowerment. Or something. Wei Wuxian stopped paying attention at the first attempt at making out what Lan Zhan had been grumbling over earlier. )
no subject
Water is sufficient.
[ Lan Zhan scowls at the paused screen. He lost any faith in the movie around minute seven but this is showing his expectations should have been even lower. ]
I do not understand how this movie even got made. It is a blight.
no subject
( Not entirely true, but he doesn't so much follow movie trends as read reviews every so often on sites he browses when bored.
Fetching a glass, he pours water out for both of them, then two sets of chopsticks, from different collectives. The ones tipped with carved clouds he extends to Lan Zhan, serving himself on another plate and gesturing to the water he'd set on the table. )
Choose whichever you want, they're both water. I'm saving the wine for later.
( A grin, and also a note: )
Not to mention, what I have right now won't pair well with what we're eating.
( This is him being outright pompous for the sake of it, given he has little care for matching palates instead of whims. )
Come on, let's watch and eat, how else are we going to make it to the end?
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